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Notes: 8 / 2 months ago
An Extremely Delayed Review of CATHERINE for the Xbox 360
Catherine offered a playing experience that, as a gamer who doesn’t usually gravitate toward puzzlers, was fresh and exciting. However, in its attempt to appease storyline-aficionados and hardcore puzzle-solvers, it fell just short of a completely satisfying experience.
The storytelling was fantastic. You play as an extremely average thirty-something male Vincent. Having grown comfortable in his two-year relationship with his Type-A Personality (some might argue overbearing) girlfriend Katherine, Vincent is suddenly faced with a life-altering ultimatum: To commit, or not to commit. As if on cue, a wildly attractive and overtly sexualized woman by the name of Catherine stumbles across Vincent’s path one night. In what appears to be an impromptu, drunken tryst, Vincent begins to crumble under the pressure of these two women in his life - one representing stability, control, societal acceptance and possibly a dead-end; the other acting as a fulfillment of all of Vincent’s fantasies, and a seemingly necessary escape from the mundane.
Blame it on the Goose, gotcha feelin’ loose. Blame it on the ‘tron, gotcha in the zone… *ahem* As told to me by a… certain… someone.During my rental period, I came to the crushing realization that I had only witnessed the tip of the iceberg in terms of possibilities and outcomes. With eight endings, and a multitude of cutscene variations in between, there’s no way I would get through everything this game had during the timespan of a rental… I would have to go all the way and make The Purchase, but with Skyrim in my life and Christmas just around the corner, I just can’t make that commitment, baby. It’s not you, it’s me.
All the characters seemed very real, the voice acting breathed life into an otherwise cartoonish art style (anime, anyway). Catherine is a game about adult relationships, including our ever-present biological clock ticking itself away (something that the game will NOT let you forget - you WILL hear that dang chime throughout 80% of it). Therefore, I don’t see this appealing on a personal level to anyone below the age of 21. But if you’re into puzzlers, then perhaps the storyline shouldn’t concern you.
Which brings me to my next point.
If you’re ONLY into it for the Nightmare sequences, you’re bound to be disappointed. Playing as Vincent, you’ll have to ascend a seemingly endless flight of self-adhesive boxes and booby-trapped crates. Sometimes against the clock, other times against a frighteningly Freudian representation of Vincent’s deepest, innermost fears. Sounds cool, right?
No, not really.
While the majority of your time will be spent pushing and pulling boxes with an illusion of tactical resolve (strategies are shared by other “sheep” in the nightmare - a heavy-handed metaphor for followers and literal embodiment of the grim phrase leading sheep to the slaughter), it doesn’t always work out so neatly. YOU try shimmying around with reversed controls and a giant, toothed vagina clawing at your feet as you ascend. Frustration abounds, my friends.
“Edge! … Edge!Edge!… E-e-e-EDGE.” - A glimpse of Vincent’s Nightmare sequences. Google “Vagina Nightmare Catherine Xbox 360” and you’ll see that I wasn’t kidding.
I will always give credit where credit is due - Catherine is a beautiful and stylistic experience. Real, tangible effort was put into its creation, and this is extremely evident. Unfortunately, its appeal is dramatically limited in scope. Those of limited patience, genre-prejudice, or of weak constitution should avoid at all costs. Remember, Atlus bears no responsibility for the destruction of controllers, strange dreams, a phantom-“EDGE!” sound resounding in your head for days on end (true story.), or quaking fear of your impending marital future (or lack thereof).But if you’re willing to enter a strange world that only Atlus can offer, give it a shot. Your fate awaits.
The Nightmare sequences will also expose you to the bone-chilling results of a bad Photoshop job. Notes
